Porn Star Megan Piper Was Going to Prom!

In the last few weeks the interwebs has been all aflutter with talk of some nerdy 18 year old kid named Mike Stone who through the magic of Twitter managed to get the attention of a porn star named Megan Piper. Piper surprisingly then agreed to go to prom with him if he could pay her $400 airfare. I guess films like "Every Last Drop" don't pay what one would think that type of debauchery would be worth. Regardless, this really sounds like an idea that you won't regret later in life Mike. Here's my list of reasons why this was doomed from the start.

1. The kid obviously didn't think of the stigma. Seriously, we all know guys love porn, but taking a porn star to prom is analogous to walking into the big dance with your dick in your hand screaming "I MASTURBATE OFTEN!"  We know, we just didn't want to KNOW. Next time, try B-List movie stars instead.

2. 18 year old boys won't be snickering behind her back,

 making comments, making rude gestures
 

or anything of the sort. Trust me. 18 year olds are SO MATURE these days. 

3. Some of his tweets were downright creepy. If you are a porn star and agree to this, you have to have some concept that you are not just going on a date with some cute kid. He's an 18 year old who plans to get a hotel room. While I'm sure this isn't the worst thing you have ever done...

4. The "cat" is already out of the bag. Seriously. Within an hour after Megan saying yes, I'm sure he had already seen 10 ripped porn star guys ride her like a rented scooter and blow loads all over her face. I did in 15 minutes (research people!) and man, I wouldn't even want to kiss that chick...all I would be thinking about was when Longrod VonHugendome blew a load down her throat in "Black Spear Volume 47". What could prom boy possibly have to look forward to? What could you possibly hope to do for her that hasn't been done in every conceivable way 57 times already? How do you impress a woman who can take a 12" cock with a smile on her face?

Don't tell me he just wanted to take her to the dance, that's bullshit. We all know why he sought out pornstars. Not that I blame him to some degree, I'm just saying I imagine seeing a pornstar in person is like seeing the underside of a snail stuck to glass. At first it's interesting, but as you get closer you realize it's the grossest thing you have ever seen...and mildly arousing.