Three Funniest Things You Could Buy At Walmart

Last night my brother and I were chatting over a few beers, and I remembered some skit a comedian did about the three funniest / strangest things you could buy at Walmart simultaneously. Presumably the idea is to get a WTF look from the cashier and perhaps others. So we got to bouncing ideas around and here are the results...

• shotgun shells, condoms, and bbq sauce.
• Beano, Clown Make-up, and Captain Crunch.
• a car tire, a pregnancy test kit, goat cheese
• Trash bags, baby socks, and a map of Ohio
• Pigs feet, a blank greeting card, and monostat 7
• Incense, a bike pump, and a dvd of Saved by the Bell
• olives, ky jelly, and pickled eggs
• a goldfish, a wiffle ball bat, and an oil change
• Nair, A baseball cap, a chainsaw
• a youth athletic cup, starting fluid, beef jerky
• Playdough, a size triple D bra, an GI Joe action figure
• a hotwheels car, a ziplock bag, and warming lubricant
• WD-40, condoms, frozen burritos
• tinsel, celery, canned cat food
• an engagement ring, a BB gun, frozen shrimp
• ground beef, "Get well" card, new car scent spray.
• fishing pole, shampoo, an enquirer
• Catfish stink bait, Quart of motor oil, Gerber baby food peas in a jar
• Diapers, Car battery, Lawnmower
• Bikini, Weed eater, spray tan
• Pregnancy Test, Champagne, Wire Coat Hangers
• an ax, a book on how to save your marriage, and a shovel

From The No Shit Department- Auction Hunters On Spike Is FAKE.

I have watched a few episodes and though I'm new to the storage auction world, after a couple marriages, owning several businesses, and 35 years on this mud ball called earth I can smell shit a mile away, 97.4% of the time.

You, gentlemen, smell of SHIT. 

Why do they smell of shit you ask? Read on.

1. They always find gold. Not the element gold per se, but they pay $1 for a locker with $10,000 worth of shit in it. ALWAYS. I smell a setup or two.
2. Using a plasma torch to open a safe? REALLY? And they thought there was a gun in there to begin with! Anyone out there want to share with the class what ammunition does when it gets too warm......? Anyone......? IT FUCKING BLOWS UP! How the hell was that a good plan? It would have been a tad safer to employ the services of a skilled locksmith.
3. What do they do with ALL of the stuff? We only see them sell 1 or 2 gems per unit. They never even mention cleaning the units out or anything about the reality of the business.
4. They took a $650 truck with more waves in the body work than a fat girl's ass, did almost zero prep work, painted it with a broom, DIDN'T FIX THE ENGINE like they said they did and sold it for $6,000? Holy shit I'm in the wrong business. That truck was worth maybe $1,000.

NICE DIMPLY PAINT!

Here is the #1 reason why I say the show is fake. How the hell can you drive a truck with an inoperative cooling system home? Further, why the hell would you pay $6,000 for it?!!!??? This pic below was taken from the end of the show when the "buyer" (read that as "paid actor") opened the hood. I know the hose was off in the beginning too, but this was at the end when the buyer was inspecting the truck. 

Beyond all that, the main “character”, Allen comes off as an arrogant asshole. Just watching how he acts when he's selling something reeks of used car salesmanship and that whole “I'm smarter than you” attitude sucks.

There is no pot of gold at the end of the auction rainbow, only the smell of leprechaun farts and a hint of victory for a few hard working people who kicked the leprechaun's ass. This show is doing this whole industry a disservice and I feel pity for people who think this is a real goldmine full of easy money then want to go do it themselves. If you are really interested in this business, go get a reality check from Glendon Cameron at www.urbanpackrat.com.

Jesse James, Please Get Back To Business!

Seriously dude. What happened? It's been years since you did shit on TV worth anything. "Monster Garage" rocked, "WCC" (Whatever that show was called) rocked...unfortunately "Jesse James Is a Dead Man" was very predictable...but I digress... you are highly capable of GOOD TV...

So, what's with this Sandra Bullock thing..?

this Michelle "Bombshell" McGee fling...?

This Kat Von D fling....?

Man pull your shit together bro, you are making every man alive look bad and that dumbass look on your face in most press pics has got to go. Man up and build me a california emissions compliant chopper with a biodegradable wrapper on a show that you had weeks to produce but is so heavily edited it appears to have an unreasonably short time line to accomplish such a feat. Douche. Talk about a short drive down self-destruction highway.