Monday, July 11, 2011

You Are All Inattentive, Self Absorbed Assholes On Cell Phones.

This is not a new rant or news in any way, I'm sure, but the majority of Americans are self absorbed assholes on cellular telephones. Get off the phone and pay attention to the task at hand. DRIVE your car. PAY ATTENTION to your kids. LISTEN to your spouse when they are talking to you. GET OUT OF THE WAY in the store.

There is nothing that makes my blood boil faster than having my cruise control set, passing someone....then they shoot past me.....and slow down again....then I pass them again since my speed is set at a CONSTANT speed.......then they fly by me again.....and slow down. Look you fucking dipshitted retarded goddamn fucking douchbag morons, the REASON I keep passing you is because you lack focus. You are going somewhere between 60 and 90 mph in a 70 MPH zone. Why? Lets glance over and see what the problem is...yep....cell phone in hand, texting away. Look fucker, when I get in a car I have certain goals in mind. Chief among those is GOING SOMEWHERE. That's right folks, when I got in the car I had a destination and a time to be there in mind. YOU however cannot pull your brain out of facebook or email or whatever long enough to even maintain your speed? REALLY? Just get the fuck off the road. Really. I don't care how either, drive off the road into a ditch and crash and die, or just park at the next exit. Either way, get off the road you fucking dick. Roads are for driving.

The same applies in the supermarket. I swear to god I'm gonna get one of those small air horns and carry it with me to walmart, so the next time 5 of you are on the phone blocking the ENTIRE isle I can hit the horn.

I'm tired of being polilite. I have been dealing with the discourtesy of all you assholes for years. No more. I'm done. Air horn here I come.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Alumawallet Is Pure Shit. Save Your Money.

The Alumawallet is the biggest piece of shit I've seen since I was at the zoo last year, and there is some BIG shit at the zoo. Billed as "indestructible" by the company that sells it, nothing could be further from the truth unless they said it was made by elves at the North Pole from sunshine and baby kisses. It's not even made entirely from aluminum, it's a 10 cent plastic shell with double stick tape holding on a thin aluminum shell.
This thing is so shitty it makes turds (actual turds) pale in comparison. In fact if you had the alumawallet sitting next to a turd, and someone asked you to pick which one was the $10.99 alumawallet, you would point to the turd. No kidding. Fuck you Telebrands and your aluma-piece of shit.
I realize using a 12,000 pound diesel powered compacting roller is a bit excessive. BUT, you can't call something indestructible if it CAN be destroyed. Truth in advertising is lost on Telebrands on this item. 

Coming soon, the remains of the alumawallet will be shot.


Thursday, May 5, 2011

New USA Steath Helicopter Revealed In Osama Raid

As an aviation enthusiast and American citizen I have always taken great pride and a high level of interest in how far aviation has come, how long we can keep a secret, and how far ahead of the rest of the world we can be at any given point. Example, the SR-71 Blackbird has origins dating back to the 1950's (!!!) and it was never even confirmed to exist until well into the 1980's! Same story with the F-117 and B-2, they were both operational long before any of us laid eyes on one. Our military can keep a secret folks, no doubt. That's great especially in the modern era of facebook and instant around the world communications.

So if you honestly think they are showing us even HALF of what we have available at our disposal, or that the latest laser weapon the Navy tested a few months back is the pinnacle, you better think twice. People have been saying for decades that a lot of the UFO sightings are probably our own advanced technology and to a certain extent I agree.

So, here's what I'm really excited about this morning. While it's unfortunate the USA appears to have lost a multi-gazillion dollar aircraft, pictures have surfaced of the tail section of this previously unknown helicopter. It obviously incorporates stealth tech in it's design. Some are saying it could be a descendant of the now canceled RAH-66 Comanche, but I say no. Even 4 of the RAH-66's would be way too small to carry in the reported 24 SEALS used in the mission, and definitely way to small to carry everyone out after they lost one helicopter.





So here's my hypothesis. What if we used active noise canceling like they use inside expensive aircraft to make the cabin quiet to cancel the outside noise of a heli? Combine that with existing stealth tech, ultra quiet rotors such as the ones Eurocopter is now showing off, hushed turbine engines like the B-2, and we may have the world's only real silent helicopter. How creepy would that be? That would explain how we got in with 24 guys and never even woke anyone up till it was too late for them.
So, go look around all over the internet and try to find a helicopter that matches the new pictures of the crashed one. It doesn't exist. Will it be 20 years before we know what it is? What will we be using by then that will be the new top secret war machine? If Eurocopter is publicly showing off quiet rotors NOW... it's probably old news to special military groups like the SEALS.

All I know is, this is why the USA is and will remain on top. When we need something done silently in the dark of night, we have the tools and the operators to make it happen.

Kudos to SEAL team 6 by the way. You guys are true American badasses. The irony of your job is that you may never get any open praise for what you have done, or even be able to tell your wife what you have done. Rest assured this American citizen is extremely glad you guys are on our side, and I thank you for your service. Great job guys.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Michelle Obama Did NOT Almost Die.

Holy crap did you hear Michelle Obama's plane almost exploded into a fireball of death the other day? I did! Given all the bad press the FAA has been getting, and being a pilot myself I did a little research. The story at most news outlets goes "The airplane carrying the first lady aborted a landing Monday after narrowly avoiding a collision with a 200-ton military cargo jet."

Now THAT sounds sensational. What doesn't sound sensational is the truth which is this. The planes were 3 miles apart instead of the required 5. I'm really amazed she survived being 3 miles away from another plane!  WHOOP. DEE. DOO. If that had been a flight any of us mere mortals were on this never would have made the news. These things happen all the time and I myself have been asked many times to do a go around or a 360 turn for separation. Big deal. Oh wait it's Michelle Obama.... let me rephrase... "OMG she could have been killed!!!!"